Which Side Are You On?

I was reading this midwife's blog post about tokophobia, the fear of childbirth, and it got me thinking about how divisive American culture is about the actual process of childbirth.

On the one hand, you have the anti-medical homebirth fanatics. They insist that if you so much as step foot in a hospital while pregnant, you will leave three days later sliced open, full of drugs, with a sluggish baby who won't breast feed or bond with you, and maybe your vagina will prolapse later because a careless surgeon forgot to stitch it back in place.

On the other hand, you have the anti-homebirth medical fanatics. Their version of the story is, if you have your baby at home, an unwashed hippie woman will burn incense and make you drink a potion brewed from things growing in your backyard, slather you with essential oils while chanting to the Goddess, and most likely accidentally smother you, drop the baby on its head, and then you'll bleed to death.

The reality is that neither version of the story is true. It's possible for a woman to have a peaceful, empowered hospital-set birth. It's equally possible for a woman to have a safe, happy, careful homebirth. Interventions aren't always all-or-nothing and homebirths aren't always nothing-or-death. The problem is, there's no middle ground in American thinking. There's no room to acknoweledge that each side of the "debate" has its valid points and its weak points, and there's certainly no encouragement, from either side, for women to make up their own minds. Both sides use scare tactics and demonize the other viewpoint, and the pregnant woman caught in the middle is left feeling that, regardless of where she has her birth experience, it's going to be awful.

Women aren't empowered by the medical community in any aspect of our sexual health. Too many women simply hand the reins over to their doctor and sit passively by while things happen to them. I wish it was possible for more women to feel they're partners in their health care, that their practioners are going to listen and respect them. While I think that part of the blame lies with the medical establishment, I believe that women need to stand up for themselves and demand the kind of care they want and deserve.